Returning to work after losing a pet

If you dread going back to work, that's normal. You are not weak, nor "too sensitive". You are moving through a real grief, in a setting that leaves it almost no room. Here is how to cope.

Why going back to work is so hard

Grief is not only an emotion: it acts on the body and the mind. Sleep problems, fatigue, intrusive thoughts, trouble concentrating, mental slowing — all documented reactions that make the most ordinary tasks suddenly exhausting. Answering an email, following a meeting, keeping the thread: nothing comes easily when part of your attention stays turned toward the absence.

There is an added difficulty specific to pet grief: it is rarely acknowledged. Where losing a human loved one brings condolences and sometimes time off, losing a pet often meets awkward silence, or a "it was just a cat". This is what we call disenfranchised grief: a very real sorrow that those around you — colleagues included — do not validate. Having to hide your grief on top of carrying it is a double burden.

Are you entitled to time off?

Let's be clear: in most countries, the law provides no leave for the death of a pet. Unlike the loss of a human loved one, it opens no automatic right to an absence. Only an internal policy or a company agreement can grant one — and that is still rare: barely 10% of employers offered such leave, according to a 2021 SHRM survey.

The good news is that the trend is shifting: more and more companies recognise the place a pet holds in a life and grant, case by case, a day off, a day working from home, or some flexibility. Nothing stops you from asking.

How to raise it with your employer

You don't have to play down what you're going through to make it "acceptable". A simple, sincere request often lands better than you'd expect:

• "I've lost my pet, who meant a great deal to me. Would it be possible to take a day off or work from home tomorrow?"
• If leave is refused, offer to use a regular day of paid holiday, adjusted hours, or a lighter load for a day or two.
• Tell a trusted colleague, so you don't have to explain everything on the spot if emotion rises.

Getting through the first day back

The first day is often the hardest. A few markers to approach it:

• Expect the waves. Grief returns in bursts, sometimes without warning. That's normal; it doesn't mean you're "falling apart".
• Allow yourself micro-breaks. Two minutes outside, a glass of water, a few breaths: enough to let a wave pass without fighting it.
• Lower the bar. Aim for what's necessary, not performance. What you don't do today can wait until tomorrow.

Handling waves of grief through the day

If emotion rises mid-task, step away for a moment if you can — the restroom, a corridor, outside. Breathe slowly, let it pass. Crying is not a failure: it's the body doing its work of grief. And if a colleague catches you, one sentence is enough: "I've just lost my pet, I need a moment." Most people understand far better than you'd imagine.

When it's more than a bad patch

Feeling waves of sadness for weeks is normal. But if, over time, you can no longer function at all — sleep lastingly broken, unable to concentrate, a loss of drive that won't ease — there is no shame in asking for help. A doctor or a trained listener can support you, exactly as for any other grief.

One thing that helps: give them a place

Going back to work is more bearable when grief has, somewhere else, a place to exist. That is the reason AmiAmor exists: a page in memory of your pet that you can create in a few minutes and return to in the evening, far from the office. A photo, a few words, a candle to light: a place of their own, to lay down what the workday forced you to hold in.

Frequently asked questions

Am I entitled to leave for the death of my pet?

In most countries, no legal leave is provided. Only some companies grant it through internal policy. You can always ask, or take a regular day of paid holiday.

Do I have to explain why I'm away?

You don't have to go into detail. A sincere, brief request is enough. Telling a trusted colleague can also spare you from justifying everything in the moment.

How long until I feel better at work?

There is no "normal" timeline. The first days are the hardest, then the waves space out. Setting small goals rather than aiming for performance helps you through this period.

What if I break into tears at the office?

It's not a failure. Step away for a moment, breathe, let it pass. A simple sentence is enough to explain, and most people are understanding.